Thursday, May 29, 2014

Foster to Adoption Round Two

In December, I was asked by DSS if I would be interested in adopting again. A micro preemie in a nearby NICU, they suspected was going to be in need of a forever home. However, this was not just any tiny human, but the biological sibling of my tiny human. He had been born in October, 8 days before my son's second birthday. He was 3 months early, and weighed in at 1 pound 7 ounces. He was on a ventilator, but was expected to be able to breath on his own soon. And like my son, he was born with many drugs in his system. The prognosis was unknown, but he had, had 1 brain bleed and his retinas were damaged. Additionally, his biological mother had left the hospital and had not returned nor left a way to contact her.

For many months I had, had thoughts of a second child, mainly because I did not want my son growing up alone. However, I had kept my thoughts entirely to myself and had not pursued foster care or a second adoption. As a single adoptive mother of one beautiful boy, I wondered if I could or should do it again, I wondered if I could do it alone with two.

I told DSS that I may be interested, but did not want to have the baby in my home until parental rights were severed, because I was afraid of Samuel getting attached and the baby having to go back to their biological mother. I was afraid that I would not be able to explain such a situation to a toddler and I was afraid that my heart could not bare the loss. Due to my fear, DSS placed him in a temporary foster home until the legal paper work could be completed.

Now, 7 months later, I have begun taking the baby on the weekends in preparation for June 19th, the expected date that DSS will file for abandonment and that I will likely begin fostering him. This is just the beginning of what will likely be a 15 or so month adoption process, similar to that of my son, Samuel. 

I do not know what the future looks like, but I know that my heart has room enough for two. I do not feel the same going into round two as I did in round one. I knew with a lot of certainty in my heart that Samuel would be mine from the first day I held him, but I do not have such a sense of sureness this time. I know that when the baby is absent from us, I feel like part of my family is missing, but I am afraid to fully embrace him in case the court should rule differently than expected. All of that being said, I can't help but love him. He is always smiling and his pudgy little hand wrapped tight in my hair, when he falls a sleep on my chest, reminds me continually that God has a plan and I need just keep holding his hand.

Because he is a foster child, I cannot use his name, but if this process ends in adoption, his adopted name will be Gideon Asher Bentley. Gideon meaning mighty warrior and Asher meaning happy.

Please be in prayer for myself, Samuel and baby Gideon as we walk this journey with Jesus.

1 comment:

  1. Love this! You are so incredible! Will be praying for you three!